Each Friday night after work, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux would fire up their outdoor grill and cook a venison steak. But, all of Boudreaux and Thibodeaux's neighbors were Catholic.
And since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating meat on Friday. The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally went and talked to their priest.
The Priest came to visit Boudreaux and Thibodeaux, and suggested that they should become Catholic. After several classes and much study, Boudreaux and Thibodeaux attended Mass. As the priest sprinkled holy water over them, he said, "You were born a Baptist, and raised a Baptist, but now you two are Catholic my children."
Boudreaux and Thibodeaux's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived, and again, the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood.
The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors, and, as he rushed into Boudreaux and Thibodeaux's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold them, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Boudreaux and Thibodeaux both clutching a small bottle of holy water which they carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat and chanted: "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you is a catfish."
As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an ax and two 38's!"
(03-12-2023, 03:22 PM)CZ527 Guy Wrote: [ -> ]As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you."
"Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an ax and two 38's!"
I’ll offer you the first “Amen” for this!
Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed. In heaven, they found God sitting on the great, white throne. He addressed Al first. "Al, what do you believe in? "Al replied, "Well, I believe I won the election in 2000, but it was your will that I did not serve. I've come to understand that now. "God thought for a second and said, "Very good. Come and sit at my left. "God then addressed Bill. "Bill, what do you believe in?" Bill replied, "I believe in forgiveness. I've sinned, but I've never held a grudge against my fellow man, and I hope no grudges are held against me. "Again, God thought for a second and then said, "You are forgiven, my son. Come and sit at my right. "God then turned to Hillary and asked, "Hillary, what do you believe in? "She replied, "I believe you're sitting in my chair."-
Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business.
Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She emphatically told George (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away.
He didn't explain, defend, or deny.
He said nothing.
Later that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's house... walked home... and left it there all night.
You gotta love George.
Olaf's car was hit by a truck in an accident. In court, the trucking company's lawyer was questioning Olaf.
'Didn't you say, sir, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine, ?' asked the lawyer.
Olaf responded, 'Vell, I'll tell you vat happened. I had yust loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into da.....'
'I didn't ask for any details', the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?
Olaf said, 'Vell, I had yust got Bessie into da trailer and I vas driving down da road... ..
The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Olaf's answer and said to the lawyer, 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie'.
Olaf thanked the Judge and proceeded. 'Vell, as I vas saying, I had yust loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into da trailer and vas driving her down da highvay ven dis huge semi-truck and trailer ran da stop sign and smacked my truck right in da side. I vas trown into one ditch and Bessie vas trown into da other. I vas hurting real bad and didn't vant to move. However, I could hear Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape yust by her groans'.
'Shortly after da accident da Highway Patrolman, he came to da scene.. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he vent over to her'..
'After he looked at her and saw her fatal condition he took out his gun and shoot her right 'tween da eyes!
Den da Patrolman, he come across da road, gun still smoking, looked at me and said, 'How are you feeling?'
'Now vat da heck vould YOU say?
Today I swung my front door wide open and placed my Remington 30.06 right
in the doorway. I left 6 cartridges beside it, then left it alone and went
about my business.
While I was gone, the mailman delivered my mail, the neighbor boy across the
street mowed the yard, a girl walked her dog down the street, and quite a
few cars stopped at the stop sign near the front of our house.
After about an hour, I checked on the gun. It was still sitting there, right
where I had left it. It hadn't moved itself outside. It certainly hadn't
killed anyone, even with the numerous opportunities it had been presented to
do so.
In fact, it hadn't even loaded itself. Well you can imagine my surprise,
with all the hype by the Left and the Media about how dangerous guns are and
how they kill people.
Either the media is wrong or I'm in possession of the laziest gun in the
world.
The United States is 3rd in Murders throughout the World. But if you take
out Chicago , Detroit , Washington DC and New Orleans , the United States is
4th from the bottom for Murders.
These 4 Cities also have the toughest Gun Control Laws in the United States.
ALL 4 are controlled by Democrats.
It would be absurd to draw any conclusions from this data - right?
Well, I'm off to check on my spoons. I hear they're making people fat.
I guess I might be in the wrong thread. This is no joke.
THE PLAN
In the beginning, there was a plan,
And then came the assumptions,
And the assumptions were without form,
And the plan was without substance,
And the darkness was upon the face of the workers,
And they spoke among themselves saying,
"This is a crock of excrement and it stinks."
And the workers went unto their Supervisors and said of the plan,
"It is a pile of dung, and we cannot live with the smell."
And the Supervisors went unto their Managers saying,
"It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong,
Such that none may abide by it."
And the Managers went unto their Directors saying,
"It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide by its strength."
And the Directors spoke among themselves saying to one another,
"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."
And the Directors went to the Vice Presidents saying unto them,
"It promotes growth, and it is very powerful."
And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him,
"This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor
Of the company with very powerful effects."
And the President looked upon the Plan
And saw that it was good,
And the Plan became Policy.
And this, my friends, is how shit happens.